The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
