i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
