is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
