You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
