you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
