so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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