I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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