He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
