my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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