His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
