Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My vagina just clenched in fear
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
