he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
try to milk me bitch
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
