He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
