I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
