First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
