Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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