Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
