God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize