he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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