my sisters under your porch take her home
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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