so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
