I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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