I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
