definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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