He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
