my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
