is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
