Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
