dude i'm inner monologue high
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize