Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
