problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize