Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
