Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
