chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
