like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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