i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
