it glows. i had to have it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
