also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
