Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
