It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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