I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
