Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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