I am puke
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
