it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
