She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
