If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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