you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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