So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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