How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
