It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
