first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
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