he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
