its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize