Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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