Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
ttyl tear gas
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
