So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
