I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
