I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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