Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
and you fell through a lawn chair
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize