He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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