You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
