I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
