but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
